Living in a Dream

Sometimes I just think too much

Archive for the tag “Lyo”

This is what happens with too much time to kill

Language is the source of misunderstandings. Antoine de Saint-Exupery

All has been quiet on the home and work front for the past week. Which leads me to wonder what’s coming down the pipeline.ย This isn’t good because right now one of the avenues that something could go wrong is Lyo’s health getting worse.

Actually I’ve been think alot about what would happen to me if Lyo wasn’t here. Would I keep the house? Would I be able to keep my shit together long enough to make it through to the other side of grief?ย 

The scary answer is No.

Maybe that is why I can feel myself sort of shutting down parts of how I feel. I didn’t know I could do that. Nor do I know how long I’ve been doing this. It is kind of odd not to feel upset/pissed off/afraid of what will happen if we don’t get this figured out.

I’m not sure if this just my ignoring how I’m feeling or if I just haven’t figured out what I’m feeling. ~shrugs~ย 

Or if this is me after a couple of drinks. ๐Ÿ˜‰



Okay somethings do change, just not all that much

No good deed goes unpunished.-Clare Booth Luce

Well, now that the holidays are finally over maybe I can finally relax a bit. I doubt it, but it is worth a shot. And speaking of no good deeds… one of my own is coming back to bite me in the ass.

One of the things that Lyo and I disagree on is dealing with people who want to use me for something. Lyo is all for giving people multiple opportunities to use himself. He tends to call these people friends (or something close to it). For myself- I tend to avoid people who want to use me for something… anything really.

Allow me to introduce you to Sybil. She is Madre’s twin (not by birth but by deed). Growing up Sybil was convinced I was the devil’s advocate and lead her child (a very very good friend of mine) astray. In fact the only thing Sybil and Madre agreed upon was to keep the two of us apart. Which worked out really well… for them.

Long story short here- after Jax died Sybil decided that I would be her new friend.

I’m serious here.

She tracked me down at my job and we went out for lunch. (At these point in my life I was more interested in the next meal than I was being friendly with her, but still I know I opened the door here.) And ever since any time she happens to be in the same area or building she makes a point of stopping by to see me.

Yesterday though was a first- she tracked down Lyo. ย ๐Ÿ˜› Whileย he was at work. Now he wants me to be nicer to her. >_< ย He seems to think that the way I live my life these days is closer to what Sybil wanted for Jax. More conventional is how he worded it. He also commented that she seemed to be a really nice lady.

Yes, and a snake is pretty to look at until it bites your hand too.

I’m actually more amused by the whole thing rather than annoyed with Lyo or Sybil.


Because watching/listening to someone go from “she’s the devil’s child” to “I’m so proud of you” is hilarious no matter who you are. ๐Ÿ™‚

I hate to disagree…

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. -Philip K. Dick


Sometimes I open my mouth and suddenly I’m preaching to someone I didn’t intend to preach at. This particular time around it was about the people who stay in a place that is not safe, sane, or recommended.ย 

The incident that I was telling this person about was when 2 LDS girls came to the house asking if I was Sister so & so. I kind of laughed and said no I wasn’t. Then they asked if I was Sister Lyo. I laughed harder and said I really wasn’t, but that my husband wasn’t feeling good so could they go away. (I was nice about it though.)

In any event Lyo (after I told him about the visit) started talking about how some of these people didn’t have a choice about going on these missions. In turn I mentioned it to JJ & Asher (another co-worker) and JJ commented that I couldn’t understand because I was so strong.

Now I’m all for blowing my own horn when it is due. But I’m calling bullshit on that comment. I’m not strong. I just have this overwhelming desire not to feel like shit every time I draw a breath or open my eyes. It was a matter of survival. Either I got out or I would be dead.ย Though to be honest it wasn’t that clear of thought. I just wanted to be elsewhere. Even sleeping in a car was a better option.

That isn’t strength. That is just plain selfishness. And try as one might you can’t keep it buried forever…

Well, youย can.ย 

I just wouldn’t recommend it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Cross your fingers…this may or may not work

Life is just one damned thing after another.
Elbert Hubbard

It is hard to tell but I actually am in a good mood. ๐Ÿ™‚ I know it comes as a shock to me too.

Still between a birthday and being able to finally change my phone number… I think this year may actually be ending on a good note. Then again, we haven’t been able to figure out what is wrong with Lyo yet so I could possibly change my mind before January 1st. Though I really hope I don’t.

Lesson Learned… sort of…

The beginning is always today.-Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

I am officially naming this year the WTF Year. Very little has gone right this year and the surprises haven’t been all that good. ๐Ÿ˜› But I’d like to think that I’ve managed to keep some sort of Balance in the mix.

This year has been a really big test of my theory of Balance, and though I have let a lot of my practice slide I’m pleased to say that yes Balance is still my main belief. All the yelling, tears, laughter, and happy memories that I’m trying to uncover are still keeping me sane.

Which come to think about it with everything else falling apart is still pretty good. ๐Ÿ˜‰


So I will give myself a pat on the back and plod on to tomorrow. Which hopefully will bring some sort of good news for Lyo and in turn me. ๐Ÿ˜€

Unexpected but not a surprise

I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.

Dan Quayle

Still no answers to the Medical Mystery Marathon. And no sign that Lyo is getting any better either. ~sighs~ It shouldn’t surprise anyone that we both are feeling a bit pissed off with the lack of answers. Even me who normally will take a deep breath then plod on waiting for the all too human doctors  to figure it out. But this waiting is annoying.

In other news there was 1 amusing event this weekend. As I was getting ready for bed last night my tablet announced that I had something that required attention. At first I thought it was another voicemail from the Bad People, but it turned out to be from Facebook.

So I check it. And it is one of the last people I expected to see asking to be friends. Madre. I haven’t talked to her willingly talked to her in years and she still hasn’t gotten the message to leave me alone. 

Some things never change.

Thanks for the thought, but I’d rather have Summer

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.-George Bernard Shaw

Well the fun just never stops here. That is if you count fun as a Medical Mysteries Marathon. ๐Ÿ˜› This time around however it isn’t myself who is going through the Triple M. This time it is much worse. Lyo is having to go through it.

Just before the Day to Pig Out we ended up having to rush Lyo to the hospital to see if he needed surgery. Thank the gods he didn’t, but that was about the only good news for the next couple of days. (That and we did have our Pig Out dinner.) The worrying news is that we still don’t know what is wrong with him.

In the morning he is fine. Then at some point during the day he goes down hill. Some days not so far, but other days it is all the way straight to hell. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Thursday is the test to rule out his gallbladder. After that I think it is Liver and then the Pancreas. We’ve already tested the stomach, but nothing there that would explain his symptoms. ~sighs~

And just because the universe is in a giving mood- I may see snow in my little corner of hell before the week is out. o_O When you live next to the ocean you don’t see snow very often if at all. Oh well. Maybe I can use my car as a sled soon. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Well there went that plan

Without the capacity to provide its own information, the mind drifts into randomness.-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Nope, I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth. ๐Ÿ™‚ Life isn’t that easy on the living… at least from what I’ve seen. And it sure can fuck up the best of plans. Not that mine were all that great, but I did have hope for them.

Oh well.

So aside from death not much has been occupying my time of late. Funny how someone you haven’t really talked to in years can have that effect on you. Made all the more sad in light of the fact that there are members of that family who say one thing, but don’t bother trying to get in touch.

I supposed I should be the grown up and get in touch with them, but in all honesty… why would I?

Meh. I hate adult thinking. It gets me into trouble more often than not.

So needless to say I didn’t get started on NaNo, and while I could probably make up the time I don’t like rushing stories. Not like this. Not when my head is somewhere else. And I think it will wait until next year or maybe later this winter. We’ll see.

Right now…

Right now I’m having trouble just coming up with a present for Lyo. Can someone tell me why men are soo damn hard to shop for?!? ~sighs~ So back into the fray I go. To find a present that will likely never get used. ๐Ÿ˜›

The unplanned events our lives

I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.Jules Renard

Well that was fun. ๐Ÿ˜› First off let me say that I am very happy to be home. And the next time I say that I don’t need to bring my laptop somebody kick my ass and beat me over the head with it until I pack it. >_<

Next I need to say a great big huge THANK YOU to the following businesses/people-

Alpine Auto in Joseph Oregon. These people can and will save you hundreds of dollars where another mechanic might take your car for days then not fix the problem.

Rusty Wagonsย Restorationsย  in La Grande Oregon. Wayne is an awesome guy. He sees someone in trouble and comes back to help. Not only saving Lyo’s and mine asses, but keeping me from having to spend the night in parking lot without a bathroom.


So what happened?

Well, let me start back over a week ago on Saturday.

Everything was set and packed for our trip over so Lyo could go Elk hunting with the boys (that’s another story). We jump in the rig and take off. We don’t even get 1/2 way to the valley and our van starts to over heat… boiling over and steaming. After limping the poor dear to the nearest gas station we let it rest then limp home. We then spend the rest of the day getting parts so that we can possibly leave late that night or the next day.

Turns out it will be the following day. Stupid fading sunlight and all that. ๐Ÿ˜‰ We get on the road and everything is fine. Until we hit the River’s East side. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ We start to hit the red zone a few times. But with a bit of gentle driving we make it to a rest stop for the night. We are relieved, but worried. What could possibly be wrong? And we still have to climb this slalom called Cabbage Hill. Long story short here- we leave at like 3am and get to Joseph then up to camp safely. Thank the gods for favors. ๐Ÿ™‚

We bring the van back down after unloading our gear and take our poor vehicle to Alpine Auto (see above). Yay! The van runs great!

So season runs along and everything is okay. Last day one of the group gets an animal so the rest of the day is breaking down the animal and the camp. Lyo and I decide that since it is supposed to snow we’re going to take off.

We get out of Joseph and head for La Grande. We get into Island City and the next thing we know is one of the trailer tires is suddenly gone. There were sparks. There was loud noises. And we were no where near the shoulder. So we have to drag our Gypsy trailer over to the side then spend the next 20-30 minutes hunting down the parts that flew off.

After calling for a tow Wayne stops and offers to help us out since he has a full shop just around the corner. Wayne didn’t charge us for storing our trailer (he even offered to let us stay there for the night) and he tried to short change himself when it came time to pay him.

In any event. We made it home last night (a night late). And now I’ve got a lot of unpacking before I can rest up for work tomorrow. And I’ll tell you about the boys in camp another time. ๐Ÿ˜€

I wouldn’t mind more sleep, but hold the dreams….


So I made it back from camp and it was…interesting. Snow, rain, wind, and mind numbing cold. Fun times. ๐Ÿ˜‰ And just think I’ll be heading back out there soon for another round.

The Gypsy Trailer did great! And even the tiny black truck that pulled it did fine though it won’t be doing that again. I now have great sympathy for those trailers going down the road at 1/2 the speed limit. Of course that sympathy probably will fade by next summer. ๐Ÿ˜€ But a girl can’t be perfect. Besides we did pull over frequently to let the other cars go by so in a way- we are the better drivers. ๐Ÿ˜‰

On the IBS front…I’m learning. Such as I learned that yes I can drink 13 beers in one night and still be normal (for me) the next day. I also learned that if I do that I should probably take my medication the day following the next morning unless I’m traveling with a guy that won’t stop at rest stops when you them out. >_<

After we got back I spent the most of the first night trying to get my brain to shut up so I could sleep. It didn’t help that I read The Shining just before bed. And it didn’t help that I was trying to remember what the hell I did with the toys I thought I took to camp. Luckily those toys didn’t make it to camp, but I couldn’t get out of bed to check their locations.

Just another typical night.


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