Living in a Dream

Sometimes I just think too much

Archive for the tag “love”

I wouldn’t change a thing…maybe…

I like life. It’s something to do.
-Ronnie Shakes

The Experiment is going well. A few minor glitches since I’ve upgraded to Lisa, but nothing that I’m too worried over. Though I do wish that there were easier ways to update my Java and Shockwave Player. And for all I know there may well be an easier way than what I’m doing, but I’m not going to stress on it. Life is too short and there are computers that will do what I need them the java for. 

Lyo and I are trying to start a weekly Movie Night. It is kind of like Date Night, but you don’t need to go anywhere. You still get the popcorn and big theater sound, but not the cost. I’ve actually been thinking about it lately since our lives have become busy.

And by busy I mean we have more of a social life now than in the 10 year previously combined.

I know shocking isn’t it. 😛

But still true. I think what is keeping me from freaking out about this much social activity is that most of the people I’ve known for a few years. The others I hang out with at deer camp. And some are people who’ve been hanging around the edges long enough that they finally feel a comfortable around us I guess. So in one way or another I’ve known them for sometime.

But it still seems odd to me. 

I’m used to a hermit like life. I go to work to socialize then go home and tune out the world to the best of my ability aided by alcohol. 🙂 At least I used to. These days I go home and my first thought is to take care of Lyo or the house. Sometimes even the neighborhood dogs if they’re out and about.

But I miss being my hermit-self. It was cozy and comfortable. I learned a lot from books and the internet (most of it I’ve ignored). And I always had something creative going. Now it seems like the more social I get the less I get done or learn.

I guess I’m just never happy where I am even though I feel happy about it.

Life is odd sometimes. 🙂


That’s not a rose

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. -Dorothy Parker

Sometimes life is unfair. In this case it is being unfair to the males. 

And I whole heartedly approve. 🙂

Valentine’s Day maybe an overrated holiday (and it is to me) but I’m still expecting Lyo to come up with something. Which means I can’t be disappointed when it isn’t what I thought about getting. 

I’m really pushing this idea of romance because I’ve never had it. So I don’t know what the hell it is. For some it is flowers. For some it is a nice dinner out at a restaurant that the gods themselves couldn’t afford. And for others it is a quiet camping holiday without distractions.

For me…??

I haven’t a clue. 

The bad news is neither does Lyo. 😛 I don’t think he’s ever really thought about it or had to try to create romance before. But I could be wrong about that. He does have 29+ years more experience than I do. So he should have an idea right?


Actually I haven’t really been into the romance idea until recently. After the surgery it has become more of a focus than it used to be. But I’m a hard person to romance.

I love roses, but hate flowers. I love chocolate chip cookies, Kisses, Peanut butter covered in chocolate, and milk chocolate truffles. But I hate most other kinds of chocolate. I love teddy bears, but I’m running out of room to keep them. I love to eat, but I’m a diet. 

And of course there’s no guarantee that Lyo will be getting what he wants for V-day anyways. 😉 Not that I would say no on purpose to be mean, but…things happen. And with me being me…I can feel ready one second then totally change my mind the next.

I’m opposite girl when it comes to sex. Which frustrates the hell out of Lyo, and leaves me feeling somewhere between frustrated and amused.

The joys of love. 😀

What I really mean is…


I spend some time each morning lighting two candles for the two guiding lights in my life. It wasn’t something that I set out to do for ritual purposes. I did it because I wanted to remember. To take a moment out of time and just remember my promise and the person who was closer to me than anyone else in my younger years.

It has become a ritual of sorts in the sense that if I don’t take those few moments my day just feels off. Kind of like not remembering if you left the coffee pot on or if you locked the door behind you.

Another habit that has become more important to me as I have gotten older is letting those I love know how important they are to me. I can’t leave the house without telling Lyo I love him and getting a kiss from him. It has almost become automatic for us not to leave a room without saying “I love you” to each other.

Most people think it’s cute. I smile, nod and tell them, “yes it is cute. Especially when the meaning of ‘I love you’ is so vastly different each time we say it.”

That’s usually when I get those blank looks or puzzled expressions. Most have never heard of ‘I love you’ having more than one meaning. But for Lyo and I it can range from the traditional  I Love You, to the ‘i love you’ said through clenched teeth when we are pissed as each other (yes that does happen 🙂 ). We even have an ‘I love you’ that says go away and leave me alone for a bit (this one gets used alot if we are in the middle of a project or book).

It has become a habit for us to use the phrase not as it is normally used for most people. For us it means that the other person has our promise that we aren’t going to leave them. That we still care about them. That we still believe in them.

For us we could be in the middle of a heated debate and be totally pissed off at the other person or topic, but it will always end the same way.

One of us giving up and saying I love you. (Translation- We aren’t going to agree so let’s drop it for something else.)

Some habits I don’t plan on breaking. 🙂

Oh Sh….

Social skils, artistic ways I need to brighten my days. Gentleness, diplomacy are necessary now to me. Libra Dragon gracious, good help me as you know you should.

Sometimes I begin to wonder why I bother. Honestly, my social skills are…well, much less than they should be considering my age and profession. But I guess that isn’t here nor there at the moment. At the moment I’m fairly certain that I’ve somehow made another blunder with my Mate. I wasn’t feeling well and so sex was out of the question.

Now before you go saying that he shouldn’t make me feel bad about not making love to him try to understand. I have no sex drive. NONE. It holds nothing for me. He has to curb his natural instincts quite a bit in this area of our life together. And trust me, I’m working on it to. But the fact of the matter is…I have no sex drive and he does.

So…how does this fit into learning about Libra. Well, Libra is a water sign and water in my world is not only an emotional element it is also the connection between the seen and unseen. Not to mention what the meditation says at the top. “Social skills”. And gods help me this is something I’m going to be practicing very soon. I have a 4 hour car ride with a very silent and distant Mate today. ~wry grin~ And I can imagine what we’ll be talking about.

Funny thing…we’ve had this talk before. 🙂  Maybe now he’ll be ready to listen. Or maybe not. Males never seem to undstand that females are dictated to by their bodies…not their body’s cycles. At least that has been my experience. 🙂  But I’m only 31…what do I know.

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