Living in a Dream

Sometimes I just think too much

Archive for the tag “Dad”

I should learn to keep quiet…

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.-Bertrand Russell

I still haven’t come up with anything to do as a Project just yet, but ideas are randomly showing up. Though usually it is as 4 am when I’m 1/2 asleep and aware that my brain is pulling shit out of the old files it keeps. Where else can you get monsters, sex slaves, cowboys, Steven King, and movie soundtracks from 4 years ago to make sense.

I don’t argue though. It is too entertaining to argue with. And by the time I fall completely asleep (6 am) I’m woken up by Lyo tossing and turning 5 minutes later. Which would explain the need for gallons of coffee and sugar for most of the day. ๐Ÿ˜‰

And even though I’ve yet to come up with a solid Project I am doing battle again with the government. This time on behalf of my dead father-in-law…or rather his estate (which doesn’t actually exist in the here and now either).

It seems that someone forgot to pass along the message to EAU that there is no money to be had. I’m going to say that Lady Jean is behind this mistake (not to mention she didn’t give EAU our correct address).

The way it was supposed to work is that Dad’s pay would go into an account that we were not to touch until after his death. Then Medicaid through the state was supposed to have first dibs.

The way it worked out instead was- Dad’s pay went into the account then out to the care facility where he stayed as per the instruction of the Senior Services person I finally managed to talk to (since Lady Jean wasn’t talking to me).

So now I am waiting to hear back from EAU. Which means I’ll have to call them this afternoon if I get the chance. I’d like to get this cleared up before Labor Day.

And just for the record-

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I think I can I think I can

Never explain–your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.ย -Elbert Hubbard

You know how you always glance at a car wreck as you go by or stare at someone on the street corner who looks amusing/odd. Well that has been my week. Lyo’s Dad died 2 days ago, and The Sibling War that had been quiet is now back up and going strong.

Ms. Silent hasn’t spoken to Lyo or anyone else in the family for 3 years is now on a campaign of spewing venom. ย Lyo and I didn’t have a phone number for her that worked so we posted on FB instead of trying to call far flung relatives. Seemed like such a good idea at the time. ๐Ÿ˜›

Nope. We were wrong. Ms. Silent claims that she didn’t even know Dad was sick. Which is odd considering that everyone at the family reunion ย knew he was sick and that was nearly 5 years ago. ~shrugs~

And now she has everyone miserable because of what she might do. Apparently she is a sue happy bitch who doesn’t care if she wastes the court’s time or anyone else’s. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

And I get to be the buffer and wall for all of this.

Did I mention I’m not good with emotional shit? I’m really not. Especially strong emotions that are negative or neutral depending on the situation. Emotions like hurt, anger, fear, and sadness are the easiest for me to pick up. The down side is I usually end up feeling like they are my own emotions if I’m in an enclosed space with that person.

~sighs~ Oh well. I can’t bitch about it now. I’ve got work to do.

1. Keep Lyo and Ms. Silent apart.

2. Make arrangements for Dad’s service (this being Saturday…not likely much going to happen there).

3. Keep my bloody mouth shut when it comes to family members and how to deal with them. (Seriously- what is so bloody hard about not talking to them? Just walk the fuck away. If they want to argue/bitch to the air let them. Those that are friends or those who love you aren’t going to listen to them. And no one else’s opinion counts.)

4. Make last trip to Dad’s room and pick up his stuff.

 

I just have to remember one other thing.

KEEP MY BLOODY MOUTH SHUT

I can do that…right?

๐Ÿ™‚

This bites and I can’t fix it

Maybe it was only a second of your time, but you need to treasure life, every second.Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

Bah. The ride isn’t over yet I fear. It seems to me that I’ve been on this emotional thrill ride long enough, but apparently it isn’t done with me.

Actually the weekend started out alright. Lyo was a little miffed because it was the end of his vacation, but he was doing ok. Then when we were out at the Pit we get a call from Dad’s nurses. He is declining again. Not unexpected, but painful. Very painful. (That and we though my Jim-E was broken. It wasn’t and I ended up with a Taurus anyways.)

So yesterday Lyo and I ended up in the Valley to meet with the hospice people (who were very nice) and to see Dad. Or rather see Dad’s body. I hope to hell he isn’t in there still. I don’t like to think of anyone still trapped in their body while it takes its time dying. ~shudder~ Gods it sucks for him. And for Lyo who had to say goodbye.

Death is never an ending. If you’re the one dying then maybe it could be, but I choose to believe that there is something after this. Heaven, hell, or maybe a huge party. Just something.

But for those who can’t go…yeah…Death doesn’t end a damn thing. I can accept that for me, but I don’t think I can for Lyo. Which pisses me off for no other reason than it does. But I can’t make what is normal for us now the normal after Dad dies. It doesn’t work that way. Or at least it shouldn’t.

Death is supposed to change things. You can’t know how or what kind of change. But it changes everything. And at least for me it pisses me off when the world doesn’t acknowledge that something has changed. And all the ‘i’m sorry’ s just don’t cover it. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Word of advice- never say “I’m sorry”at a funeral…at least not at mine. I may be dead, but if I can I’ll come back and kick your ass for it. ๐Ÿ˜›

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