Living in a Dream

Sometimes I just think too much

Archive for the category “Pack”

Failure is an option

Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT’S bad for you!

-Tommy Smothers


Well now that the WTF year has finally been closed it is time to start looking forward to something a little more positive. Not that last year forgotten. πŸ™‚ The bills prove that. But perhaps something good this way will come. πŸ˜€

I’m not doing the Resolutions this year. Seems I never follow through with them in the end even when they are simple little things like doing NaNo or riding my bike more often. I’d blame Life or other events that happen, but the truth is- I really am that lazy most days.

I’m okay with that. I still plan on doing some riding, writing, and other stuff but I’m not going to make a big deal of it this year. It isn’t worth making myself feel…not exactly bad, but annoyed I suppose. I can accept failure for many things in my life because it is familiar. Success…not so much, but I’m getting better at that too. πŸ˜‰



Okay somethings do change, just not all that much

No good deed goes unpunished.-Clare Booth Luce

Well, now that the holidays are finally over maybe I can finally relax a bit. I doubt it, but it is worth a shot. And speaking of no good deeds… one of my own is coming back to bite me in the ass.

One of the things that Lyo and I disagree on is dealing with people who want to use me for something. Lyo is all for giving people multiple opportunities to use himself. He tends to call these people friends (or something close to it). For myself- I tend to avoid people who want to use me for something… anything really.

Allow me to introduce you to Sybil. She is Madre’s twin (not by birth but by deed). Growing up Sybil was convinced I was the devil’s advocate and lead her child (a very very good friend of mine) astray. In fact the only thing Sybil and Madre agreed upon was to keep the two of us apart. Which worked out really well… for them.

Long story short here- after Jax died Sybil decided that I would be her new friend.

I’m serious here.

She tracked me down at my job and we went out for lunch. (At these point in my life I was more interested in the next meal than I was being friendly with her, but still I know I opened the door here.) And ever since any time she happens to be in the same area or building she makes a point of stopping by to see me.

Yesterday though was a first- she tracked down Lyo. Β πŸ˜› WhileΒ he was at work. Now he wants me to be nicer to her. >_< Β He seems to think that the way I live my life these days is closer to what Sybil wanted for Jax. More conventional is how he worded it. He also commented that she seemed to be a really nice lady.

Yes, and a snake is pretty to look at until it bites your hand too.

I’m actually more amused by the whole thing rather than annoyed with Lyo or Sybil.


Because watching/listening to someone go from “she’s the devil’s child” to “I’m so proud of you” is hilarious no matter who you are. πŸ™‚

Cross your fingers…this may or may not work

Life is just one damned thing after another.
Elbert Hubbard

It is hard to tell but I actually am in a good mood. πŸ™‚ I know it comes as a shock to me too.

Still between a birthday and being able to finally change my phone number… I think this year may actually be ending on a good note. Then again, we haven’t been able to figure out what is wrong with Lyo yet so I could possibly change my mind before January 1st. Though I really hope I don’t.

Lesson Learned… sort of…

The beginning is always today.-Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

I am officially naming this year the WTF Year. Very little has gone right this year and the surprises haven’t been all that good. πŸ˜› But I’d like to think that I’ve managed to keep some sort of Balance in the mix.

This year has been a really big test of my theory of Balance, and though I have let a lot of my practice slide I’m pleased to say that yes Balance is still my main belief. All the yelling, tears, laughter, and happy memories that I’m trying to uncover are still keeping me sane.

Which come to think about it with everything else falling apart is still pretty good. πŸ˜‰


So I will give myself a pat on the back and plod on to tomorrow. Which hopefully will bring some sort of good news for Lyo and in turn me. πŸ˜€

Thanks for the thought, but I’d rather have Summer

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.-George Bernard Shaw

Well the fun just never stops here. That is if you count fun as a Medical Mysteries Marathon. πŸ˜› This time around however it isn’t myself who is going through the Triple M. This time it is much worse. Lyo is having to go through it.

Just before the Day to Pig Out we ended up having to rush Lyo to the hospital to see if he needed surgery. Thank the gods he didn’t, but that was about the only good news for the next couple of days. (That and we did have our Pig Out dinner.) The worrying news is that we still don’t know what is wrong with him.

In the morning he is fine. Then at some point during the day he goes down hill. Some days not so far, but other days it is all the way straight to hell. 😦

Thursday is the test to rule out his gallbladder. After that I think it is Liver and then the Pancreas. We’ve already tested the stomach, but nothing there that would explain his symptoms. ~sighs~

And just because the universe is in a giving mood- I may see snow in my little corner of hell before the week is out. o_O When you live next to the ocean you don’t see snow very often if at all. Oh well. Maybe I can use my car as a sled soon. πŸ˜‰

Well, on the bright side it has a name now

Every patient carries her or his own doctor inside.-Albert Schweitzer

Okay I think I’m better now. Or at least I’m focusing on a different problem altogether for the moment. Plus it helps that Lyo did apologize for making it sound like the whole thing was my fault. Nothing says ‘I’m sorry’ like admitting you were wrong. πŸ˜‰

So it seems as if my health issues will be ongoing… as in for the rest of my life ongoing. ~sighs~ It seems I have IBS in its Alternating form. 😦 At least that is how the symptoms read when I go through the list. Official confirmation will have to wait until I get back from the Trip. Until then I’m experimenting with different supplements and recently starting taking some Probiotics to control what symptoms I do and will have.

What really bites about IBS is that some of the food/drink they tell you to avoid are my favorites. Caffeine, alcohol, dairy, and of course wheat.

Can someone please tell me what I’ve done in my past lives to deserve this? 😦

I’m kinda depressed now….

I’ve never quite believed that one chance is all I get. –Anne Tyler

I’m still on the fence about what the Gypsy Trailer is going to end up looking like. Lyo keeps trying to add more and more design elements that I don’t think we need. But…I’ll let him keep it some of them…as long as they match what I have in mind.

So the Girls came back the other night to drop off a thank you card for a previous dinner. And of course Lyo is indisposed so I got to talk to them by myself.

Joy. >_<

The conversation started out nice enough. ‘Thanks for dinner…we had a great time…’ blah, blah, blah. And the entire time I’m thinking ‘go away’. No such luck on my end. They really wanted to talk to me about “what we share with people”.

My reply….


“Well we heard you like to read. Can we….”


“Okay well have a great night.”

Gods if it was only that easy. I can almost hear what the next visit is going to be like.

Why is there going to be a next visit?

Because Lyo opened his big mouth again and told them we had to have them over again before they move on to another state in 6 weeks. And I was too far away to kick him. πŸ˜‰

And to think…in 6 weeks I get to go through this all over again with different players.

Maybe next time they’ll send the Boys. πŸ˜›

In other news I guess the Hunt is over. ~sighs~ I didn’t get all of what I was after, but…it was enough. Sometimes you just have to happy with what you get instead of what you want…or at least look forward to another chance at it. πŸ˜‰

Moments of Truth

Grief does not change you, it reveals you.John Green

There are unexpected moments in my life where I question if what I’m doing is right. This isn’t like The QuestionΒ . This is more like re-evaluation than trying to find an answer. Today’s moment was about children.

I’ve decided and taken steps to prevent myself from having any, which in my opinion is great. It really is…but was it the right choice?

Who do I pass on my things to when I die? Who will be there when I’m too old to take care of myself? Who is even going to notice that I’m not alive anymore?

Not the rest of Madre’s clan. For the most part they won’t even notice since we don’t talk much. Not Lyo’s family- most of them dislike me in any event. πŸ˜› I’m not so sure about anyone in Jax’s Pack that I still talk to. They would most likely notice I’m not updating, but as the years roll by I’ve lost touch with most of them so it is up for debate. My own Pack is relatively small and most of them are older than I am so it is likely I’ll be the last member left alive when all is said and done.

So was it really the right choice not to have kids? Not to have someone to pass on my values, thoughts, and loves to.

As sad as it is that I will likely be the last one left… it was and is the right choice for me.

I am a selfish person with no room in my life for miniature humans running around developing their own lives.

Besides- no one really needs another ME running around. πŸ˜›

I don’t get it- so I won’t interfere

To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent.Berton Averre

When did a the 4th become a commercial thing? I’m not talking about the fireworks, food, and drinking. Those are just part of the package. But trying to convince people to buy a new fridge, sofa, or bed as a way to celebrate the nation… just seems a little too much.

But maybe I’m being a little too sensitive about this. I seem to have a sore spot when it comes to a meaningful event gets turned into the money-monster. πŸ˜› I do the same thing with ChristmasΒ it is a block of some kind for me.

A block that I’m perfectly happy to blame on Madre and her competitive drive. πŸ™‚ It is one of the few blocks that I’m happy to keep in place. It prevents me from trying to make an event that is supposed to be about those you care about or those that tried to make life better for everyone else into something that it wasn’t meant to be. At least to me.

Or maybe I’m just anti-commercialism in some regards. πŸ˜› Not completely though. But I use the same advice that Lyo often gives about drinking- a little is enough.

But I’m not an economics person, nor am I history buff. So I’ll just let the world do what it wants and I’ll sit quietly in the corner bitching about it occasionally. πŸ˜›


There I go again…

Never go out to meet trouble. If you will just sit still, nine cases out of ten someone will intercept it before it reaches you.Calvin Coolidge

Well it looks like after this week I might be back on the wagon for a bit. Not because of external pressures, but because it is getting to the point that my resistance is out pacing the number of drinks I can have. Yes, I drink to get buzzed and/or drunk. Preferably buzzed. πŸ˜›Β So in order to get more with less I have to stop for a while.

And with summer just getting started here in Hell I now have to find something else to drink.


The trouble I go through just to have an altered state of mind.

Of course knowing me… this won’t last all that long. Just long enough. πŸ˜‰


In other news – equality finally took a step in the right direction, but we’ll see how long that lasts. The only thing I’m curious about is why the hell everyone is so concerned about what others are doing in the bedroom.

Sex is sex and a relationship is a relationship. How does someone else’s sexual practices and relationships affect one that miles away or even in the next apartment?

I know everyone wants to feel special. Some of us blog so that we can feel special (I can think of a few teens on another site that this would apply to). But could we at least pick something else to feel special about?

Marriage isn’t holy union. If it was it wouldn’t have secular status. There also wouldn’t be divorce. But there is. So marriage is a contract that protects both people involved.

I didn’t get married for love. I got married for a house and a way to keep the house if anything ever happens to Lyo. Ask him and he’ll tell you that’s what I did. I stayed with him for 10 years because I love him. I’ll continue to stay with him because I love him. Not because some piece of paper says I should.

If you want marriage to be a holy union I suggest finding another term to call it. Another way to make it… permanent. Like say- tell the spouse that if they divorce they are both going to hell. πŸ˜€ I think the LDS does this 1/2 way, but it really should apply to both sexes.

Just a thought.


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