Living in a Dream

Sometimes I just think too much

This bites and I can’t fix it

Maybe it was only a second of your time, but you need to treasure life, every second.Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

Bah. The ride isn’t over yet I fear. It seems to me that I’ve been on this emotional thrill ride long enough, but apparently it isn’t done with me.

Actually the weekend started out alright. Lyo was a little miffed because it was the end of his vacation, but he was doing ok. Then when we were out at the Pit we get a call from Dad’s nurses. He is declining again. Not unexpected, but painful. Very painful. (That and we though my Jim-E was broken. It wasn’t and I ended up with a Taurus anyways.)

So yesterday Lyo and I ended up in the Valley to meet with the hospice people (who were very nice) and to see Dad. Or rather see Dad’s body. I hope to hell he isn’t in there still. I don’t like to think of anyone still trapped in their body while it takes its time dying. ~shudder~ Gods it sucks for him. And for Lyo who had to say goodbye.

Death is never an ending. If you’re the one dying then maybe it could be, but I choose to believe that there is something after this. Heaven, hell, or maybe a huge party. Just something.

But for those who can’t go…yeah…Death doesn’t end a damn thing. I can accept that for me, but I don’t think I can for Lyo. Which pisses me off for no other reason than it does. But I can’t make what is normal for us now the normal after Dad dies. It doesn’t work that way. Or at least it shouldn’t.

Death is supposed to change things. You can’t know how or what kind of change. But it changes everything. And at least for me it pisses me off when the world doesn’t acknowledge that something has changed. And all the ‘i’m sorry’ s just don’t cover it. 😦

Word of advice- never say “I’m sorry”at a funeral…at least not at mine. I may be dead, but if I can I’ll come back and kick your ass for it. 😛

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